Today was one of the those days where I was questioning myself why do bad things happen, and the fact that I'm so powerless to override my inner genetics and biology to change to the way that I wish I was, or had the past that I had.
I slept way early yesterday, and woke up quite late, sitting and thinking for a while why I am so helpless with my sleep schedule which forces me to miss so many important things to do - time not spent trying to do valuable things, is time lost. I literally am quite frustrated with my inner habits that I have had since my childhood, and I wish they would be gone, but it they remain, and despite my attempts to remove them, something remains. It just takes time to get rid of them all, slowly by slowly.
I'm still a human, and despite it being so seemingly simple about changing your perspective and attitude, it's not at all easy keeping everything in mind as you go day in and day out.
As I sat by the window seat behind Hassan, one my FYP team members, I keep remembering an Ayat I read the day before, which was the following,
"And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect." (Ar-Rum 30:21)
And to take away some subjective context from this, this Ayat reminds me about how complicated human beings are. We have so many rules in place, culture and tradition built, languages, body language, human and social sciences, not to mention the incredible mentally challenging scientific accomplishments we have made along the way.
And despite getting to the moon, and crafting vehicles and machines that deliver excellency each and every day, every seem internally seeks comfort from other people. No person lives alone, and no person can be perfect in what they choose for themselves. It's entirely sophisticated about how human values are built. Something seemingly almost worth nothing to one person, may seem like so much to the other.
And the pain and bureaucratic nature of the humanity and life drives us to find "comfort" in others, to understand and learn from each other as to find comfort in ourselves.
A part of us lives within other people around us.
And humans are still yet so hard on themselves for every single reason available. May it be financial problems, may it be academic, technical, relationship, family problems. Each and every human is flawed to the core with their own set of unique circumstances about how they got to where they are, and how people valued things that happened years ago.
Something which some people forget in a few hours, others remember for a life time.
And this brings us to the reasoning that there is no real reason to make yourself feel so down and frustrated and such a victim in your own vision, where you can see much less fortunate people who don't know anything about their future. A few problems here and there can put them into great trouble. It's a shaky house of cards - human life.
You never really know what you're getting or why something is happening. Yet, if you think about that thing that happened so many months ago, and the impact it created within your life, you'll realize it changed you in ways you simply could not imagine. In ways you did not have any idea about. It helped you find a person underneath that you never knew existed inside of you - that had the potential of changing for the better.
And you know, despite whatever happening, there is always something deep down at the soulful and the emotional aspect of a human which changes their perception, their motivation, and the way they talk and deal with others. Something 'clicks' inside of you through hardship, burden, and seeing so many problems at the same time - with so many things that can either go right or wrong depending on some cosmic set of decisions.
We never know where we'll be in the future. All the while we are here, it's meant as a time to reflect on our own existence as humans, the universal impact we can make on the lives of others, the love we share and cherish, the happiness we believe in, the kindness we build upon, the enthusiasm we strive to share.
The fact of the matter is - that we keep going, no matter what happens, and what strikes us. Trust that things will go right, but slowly, inevitably, and that they will take time and a faith that things will work out well if we keep trying to move forward.