Bad day, bad exam, bad memories

thinking Apr 08, 2021

Today didn't go so well. I basically flunked my Computer Networking. Been studying since 3 AM in the night till morning, and gave into pressure at the very last minute. Couldn't figure out how to be productive, couldn't manage my time. Basically, I couldn't get it done despite the hours of preparation.

Felt bad.

At the same time, I went over the feeling of completely losing it in myself, and then resorted to not judge myself anymore that much. I just couldn't do it, I wasn't that smart, and that's okay at the moment, for right now. What it should motivate me, and then keep motivating me to do, is to keep working on the best of ideas possible and feasible for me right now, and keeping my energy volume of learning more and more.

I'm now built for handling rejections, failures, mishaps. I accept myself who I am, where my strengths, as well as weaknesses lie in. The desire of getting ahead was simply a lie - life seems more like a process where you evaluate yourself constantly, and improve at your own pace. It makes little to no sense to compare yourself to individuals who just don't live the same life as you, and truth be told, no one lives or has ever lived in the same circumstances as you, and neither is that a valuable point to have.

What you feel, the emptiness that you may have, the mental gap that you have to understanding something on a technical or humanities level, is eventually transformed into this idea that finding our way for ourselves leads to an eventual better version of us, leads to a sense of calm, acceptance, and self love for our own existence. That's a rare and valuable trait, and then seeks to keep growing itself through a better version of history and generation of ideas, wherever that may lead to.

The future is now, what we choose to build with it, and where we choose to invest the time into it.

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Saif Ul Islam

Undergrad @ FAST NUCES | Upcoming SWE

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